---
title: "Proctor Admissions: Advice to Our Parents"
description: The greatest gift Proctor receives each year is a new group of parents with whom we have the opportunity to partner in the raising of young people.
image: https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/hubfs/Blog_Pics/Community/2020-2021%20Community/Admissions%20Parents/87769778-696E-48F6-B02A-05CB4D861AC1.jpg
---

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## Proctor Admissions: Advice to Our Parents

Posted by [Scott Allenby](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/author/scott-allenby)

03/19/2021

Over the course of this week and next, our Admissions Team is welcoming small groups of accepted students and their families to campus, many for the first time ever, to tour our facilities, connect with our faculty, current parents, and some local day students. While the rest of campus is on Spring Break, this Covid-19 friendly version of our traditional Revisit Days has the same goals in mind: present an authentic view of the Proctor experience to help our newly accepted students see if Proctor feels like the right match.

![87769778-696E-48F6-B02A-05CB4D861AC1](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog_Pics/Community/2020-2021%20Community/Admissions%20Parents/87769778-696E-48F6-B02A-05CB4D861AC1.jpg?width=3024&name=87769778-696E-48F6-B02A-05CB4D861AC1.jpg)

We know how hard it is to make the decision to attend boarding school, especially for all of those parents out there who may find this blog post and take the time to read it. We also know how special this community is and how many opportunities await each of our students. This blog is for those parents who are trying to navigate this decision-making process and weighing all of the pros and cons of their child’s next educational step. 

![Proctor Academy Boarding Prep School New EnglandProctor Academy Boarding Prep School New England](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog_Pics/Community/2020-2021%20Community/Admissions%20Parents/576A4266.jpeg?width=6720&name=576A4266.jpeg)

Raising children has never been easy, but today’s world brings with it a level of complexity none of us, as parents, have encountered before. We all read the same articles on parenting. We do our best to reflect on our individual approaches to the most complex challenge we will ever face. We all share a desire to give our children the absolute best experience possible. While we would never claim we have it figured out here at Proctor, each day we have the opportunity to observe, learn, and respond to 370 different teenagers on their individual journeys through life. We believe this experience qualifies us to share a few observations on parenting with those parents of accepted students visiting campus for Revisit Days.

![Proctor Academy Boarding Prep School New EnglandProctor Academy Boarding Prep School New England](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog_Pics/Community/2020-2021%20Community/Admissions%20Parents/Admissions%207.jpeg?width=6144&name=Admissions%207.jpeg)

## 1) Validate your child’s passions and dreams as their own.

It’s not about you. There, we said it. Proctor exists to create unparalleled educational experiences for our students. The breadth and depth of curriculum available in the classroom, in afternoon activities, and on off-campus programs will present countless opportunities for students to choose their own direction. As you visit our school and others, keep in mind that Proctor will be your child’s journey. Your role as parents (and ours as educators) is to guide, suggest, and introduce opportunities to our kids, but ultimately, we are here to encourage their self-discovery. The simple act of validating their choices, as crazy as they may seem to us, will have a profound impact on the passion with which they pursue their dreams.

![Admissions 8](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog_Pics/Community/2020-2021%20Community/Admissions%20Parents/Admissions%208.jpeg?width=6144&name=Admissions%208.jpeg)

## 2) Know the difference between intensive parenting and helicopter parenting.

My wife and I find ourselves constantly asking ourselves if we are becoming helicopter parents to our three elementary aged children. Are we overstepping? Are we trying to remove obstacles from our kids’ paths before they have a chance to resolve the issues for themselves? How do we teach our kids to be self-advocates without constantly stepping in to be their advocates? Longtime Proctor faculty member Patty Pond shared [THIS](https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/22/health/helicopter-parenting-strauss/index.html) great article a few years ago discussing the difference between being an intensive parent and a helicopter parent. Intensive parents are actively engaged in their child’s life. They help strategize how to solve problems. They ask questions, encourage, converse, and most importantly, listen to their child’s struggles and desires. But they do not oversteer or overprotect as a helicopter parent would.

![Proctor Academy Boarding Prep School New EnglandProctor Academy Boarding Prep School New England](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog_Pics/Community/2020-2021%20Community/Admissions%20Parents/Admissions%203.jpeg?width=4032&name=Admissions%203.jpeg)

There is a sweet spot for each of us, and understanding the needs of our children within the context of their educational environment is key to finding that balance. Your child will take risks at Proctor, they will travel the globe, use band saws, and try new sports. They will live with roommates who are messy and might not brush their teeth before they fall asleep. They may miss a homework assignment or sleep through class (yes this happens sometimes). Understanding how to be an intensive, caring parent without being a helicopter parent will help optimize your child's growth. We love intensive parents, but we also encourage periodic self-reflection among our parents to recenter around that sweet spot. 

![Proctor Academy Boarding Prep School New EnglandProctor Academy Boarding Prep School New England](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog_Pics/Community/2020-2021%20Community/Admissions%20Parents/Admissions%204.jpeg?width=6144&name=Admissions%204.jpeg)

## 3) Choose your team wisely. We are in this together.

The greatest gift Proctor receives each year is a new group of parents with whom we have the opportunity to partner in the raising of young people. Our parents are amazing. They are generous. They volunteer their time and resources and work alongside us to help their children grow. As boarding school teachers, we ride the same roller coaster of adolescence you ride as parents. Teamwork is paramount to any educational experience (click [HERE](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/teamwork-appreciating-the-intangibles) for one of our favorite pieces on teamwork), and as your family weighs different options for your child, consider the team you are choosing to join. Are the adults in the community individuals you see complementing your own parenting skill set? Are they individuals you trust? Are they authentic? Does the school community value what you value? The strength of the partnership you will form with your child’s advisor, dorm parent, teachers, Learning Specialists, and coaches will shape your experience as a boarding school parent and that of your child. Choose the qualities of your team wisely.

![Admissions 2](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog_Pics/Community/2020-2021%20Community/Admissions%20Parents/Admissions%202.jpeg?width=6720&name=Admissions%202.jpeg)

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- [December 2018 (11)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2018/12)
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- [March 2018 (13)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2018/03)
- [February 2018 (23)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2018/02)
- [January 2018 (20)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2018/01)
- [December 2017 (13)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/12)
- [November 2017 (19)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/11)
- [October 2017 (17)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/10)
- [September 2017 (14)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/09)
- [August 2017 (7)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/08)
- [July 2017 (4)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/07)
- [June 2017 (8)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/06)
- [May 2017 (27)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/05)
- [April 2017 (24)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/04)
- [March 2017 (16)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/03)
- [February 2017 (26)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/02)
- [January 2017 (22)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2017/01)
- [December 2016 (16)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/12)
- [November 2016 (22)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/11)
- [October 2016 (23)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/10)
- [September 2016 (16)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/09)
- [August 2016 (7)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/08)
- [July 2016 (5)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/07)
- [June 2016 (11)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/06)
- [May 2016 (25)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/05)
- [April 2016 (23)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/04)
- [March 2016 (16)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/03)
- [February 2016 (29)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/02)
- [January 2016 (18)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2016/01)
- [December 2015 (17)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/12)
- [November 2015 (17)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/11)
- [October 2015 (22)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/10)
- [September 2015 (13)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/09)
- [August 2015 (6)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/08)
- [July 2015 (7)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/07)
- [June 2015 (8)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/06)
- [May 2015 (27)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/05)
- [April 2015 (19)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/04)
- [March 2015 (14)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/03)
- [February 2015 (24)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/02)
- [January 2015 (21)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2015/01)
- [December 2014 (16)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2014/12)
- [November 2014 (18)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2014/11)
- [October 2014 (20)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2014/10)
- [September 2014 (17)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2014/09)
- [August 2014 (6)](https://blogs.proctoracademy.org/archive/2014/08)

see all

### Recent Stories

### Telling the Proctor story

[READ CHUCK'S CORNER AND ACADEMIC LENS BLOG ARCHIVES HERE](http://chuckscorner.proctoracademy.org/chucks_corner/index.html).

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Located in  Andover, NH,  Proctor Academy is a private coeducational day and boarding school for grades 9–12. Students benefit from a rigorous academic program, experiential off-campus programs, fine and performing arts, competitive athletics, and a wide selection of extracurricular activities.

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(603) 735-6000

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